I'm on my own

Photos

2010-08-07T02:36:00.004+08:00

Trying my newly found cool program!

How cool is it!! :))

Double the happiness

2010-07-09T12:36:00.005+08:00

Shall we watch this??

I finally grab hold of it.
BRAND NEW PHONE! No more 'ATAS' phone.
Its Iphone! So happy!!

And also, on my way to get the iphone,
I SAW MY CRUSH IN SECONDARY SCHOOL!
Not sure if he still remember me.
And I feel so shy to go forward and say
"Hello! I have crush on you in Secondary. Do you remember me??"
Because...my friend and his friend always tease me & him whenever we both walk pass.
But then, we do talk occasionally. Now no contacts even if he is on my fb.
HAHHAA. I doubt he will want to talk. LOL!
It was so stupid of me in secondary school........ feel like digging a hole and throw myself in!

I guess we are going to flea sooon after everything confirms!
Hope to have good news!!!

-Iphone madness starting soon-
=D

Sowing & Reaping

2010-07-05T14:43:00.005+08:00

We are feature in http://www.sianzonline.com/ !
Muahahhaa!!! The first thing that I log on to my computer, I SAW THIS!
Not a very big thing but well.. we are chosen and selected.
Its enough for me to get thrilled one whole day!

And, AR Bernard just blew me away yesterday with the preaching.
What he say was true enough. BANG and BANG and BANG!!

People who are truly committed are committed not just to the promise but to the process. If you want to be great, find a way to serve people & a way to sustain that service. God deals with the molding & shaping of our character so that we can make better choices. We are motivated in life by what we value. Every decision is a value judgment.
- AR Bernard

I think my house is breeding mozzie. Battle with the mozzie almost half a day.
Killed 6 or 7 mozzie yesterday night after countless bites from them.
I feel like I am living in the kampong now.
Every now and then, you get to see them flying around you.
In front of your eyes, hands, legs. And they fly.. REAL FAST!!
I use to snap it using my hands. Now.. I need a weapon.
This weapon is very very USEFUL & AWESOME!
To think of that, when I was a kid, I thought this is a badminton.
So I place my hand on the net, and press the ON button.. GOOODDDNNESSS!!!
GOT A ELECTRIC SHOCK!
If you dont know what I am saying.. THIS IS IT!

You will feel the "shiokness" when you caught the mozzie on hands with this.
And electrocute the mozzie till DEATH and BURNT.
This is the outcome of biting me.

Thank goodness that someone actually invented this. Save my life!

2010-06-16T12:24:00.002+08:00

Thursday
Photo shoot at the Singapore last Kampong & Yan Kit Swimming Complex.
I have not yet uploaded my photos and...
I FEEL RUSTY.
I guess my photos look like crap.

Sunday
Went out with pam to bugis after mailing my parcel.
Brought 2 pairs of shoe using my birthday voucher from last year.

Thursday
Shan's going back to Beijing.
Esther's grad show finally.
Shoe bite while walking.
Was expected shan to cry.
But..... HAHAHAA..
She grow stronger since 2007 when we send her to airport.
But then...she is coming back...

Friday
Stock take with Sharon after work.
Jo offer to send us down.
Rush all the way as we need to go off after that.
Was feeling quite annoy when my leader actually rushing me.
But then, she has a reason for doing that.
She was giving a surprise birthday for pammie.
And, i am surprised too!
She didnt even tell me at all so when Pam & me turn back, and there..!!
the cellgroup was holding a Hello Kitty Balloon & Hello Kitty Cake.
I laugh out loud! LOL!
It was quite a touching moment
cause they have to come all the way down from west to eat.
And I am the one who initiate Singpost as meeting place.
Guilty I am.

Sunday
Pastor Phil only preach for like 15 mins.
But then, it was rather a powerful words that will "BANG" you so much.

"Patience = waiting for your promises under trials with a good attitude."
Phil Pringle

My brother brought EOS 7D during the IT show.
Properly he's not the one buying but rather the wife.
Dont tell me you are shocked!
I am shocked also.

When desire dreams getting stronger.
You might have the drive to push forward.
1 step, 2 step.. or maybe a larger step.
Make use of the 'drive' you feel.
Maybe in no time, dreams gets nearer to you.
And I have this dream. Real big.
Maybe its time for me to do something about it.
And its a long long way to go. =)

My mum has been exceptionally good to me ever since she move in.
That was a good sign!!!!!
HAHAHA!! At least... she acknowledge my goodness.
OR.... AT LEAST SHE KNOWS I AM DOING HOUSE WORK FOR HER!!!

GREAT....

2010-06-06T18:26:00.003+08:00

GUESS WHAT?
SHE BREAK MY HAIR CLIP.
SHE DIDNT INFORM ME OR EVEN HAVE THE THOUGHTS OF LETTING ME KNOW.
WHEN I ASK FROM MY BRO,
SHE ACTUALLY ASK MY BRO TO TELL ME TO USE ANOTHER HAIR CLIP.
AND I ASK MY BRO TO SEARCH FOR ME AND FOUND....
ITS IN HER BAG.
SOME MORE... ITS BROKEN!

CAN SOMEONE

LET ME SCREAM AT YOU FOR 1 MIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM FREAKING DAMN PISSED OFF.

I AM SO GONNA KEEP MY THINGS FROM TODAY ONWARDS!!!!

Overboard.

2010-06-05T23:26:00.005+08:00

It's getting overboard.
I didnt notice she is using my hair clip till yesterday she actually send sms and inform me that she forgotten.
Never mind. At least you inform me.
And now...she is using my sun block and my hair clip again.
Without even asking me at all.
And I saw my hair clip right on her hair.
How can you forgotten the second time?

I am not being a meanie or stingy.
But at least have a courtesy to ask PERMISSION from me.
AND I FREAKING HATE PEOPLE TOUCH MY THINGS/MOVE MY THINGS.
Add on...ITS NOT THE FIRST TIME!

I was ranting to my father.
Apparently... my parents and me are putting up with her.
How long am i suppose to end my misery?

AND PLEASE DONT HANG YOUR WET TOWEL ON TOP OF MY JACKETS & HANG YOUR PANTY IN FRONT OF MY CUPBOARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cant do anything. I only can rant! How crap is this?

!@#$%^&*()

2010-05-27T22:15:00.005+08:00

SHE IS MOVING IN WITHOUT

ANY NOTICE FROM MY BROTHER!

I CAME HOME WITH A BIG SURPRISE

IN THE SHARED ROOM.

ALL HER THINGS ARE HERE ALREADY.

PISSED!~

AAAARGGHHHHH!!~

prank call of the day

2010-05-25T12:48:00.003+08:00

Caller: Hello, May I speak to Mr.Chua?
Me: Nope. He's at work.
Caller: Can I have his mobile number?
Me: What is it regarding? (being suspicious, FYI its an ang moh caller)
Caller: It's regarding a housing property in New Zealand.
Me: Are you sure? My father dont speak english.
How much does the house cost?
Caller: It cost 200k.
Me: HAHAHAHA.. are you kidding me?
Its a prank call right? FYI the furthest country my father went is Malaysia.
And please do some homework before you make any prank call.

And yeah, she hang up my phone and sort of make my day.
I was amused. I wonder if they do homework before they make the call? LOL!

I'm addicted to Vampire Diaries.

my sister's keepers

2010-05-23T02:26:00.003+08:00

If you havent watch this, I guess you should watch it real soon!!
And you have to watch it alone.
Cause I have being crying half of the show.
(You dont wanna get caught by your friends when you are in tears. T_T)

It was an interesting show.
And somehow it did remind me of my younger brother.
Cause he has been fighting for the sickness he has ever since he was 3 till he was 17.
Something close to the heart. =)

Haaaa!! And him...i find him cute though.
Next movie.... The last song & Dear John. =)

:D

2010-05-16T02:29:00.003+08:00

♥ the geeky specs. :O

nightmare?

2010-05-14T00:57:00.002+08:00

Consider it as a nightmare.
Woke up with a heart wrenching feeling.
Didnt really feel good.
Cause when you dream of someone who is close to your heart
but yet in reality, they are not right beside you.
For 2 days..

its gonna be good tonight.
I wont have nightmares.
Especially zombies?
(I tend to dream of me killing zombies like resident evil. 0_0)

Coming home

2010-05-12T14:16:00.003+08:00

Congrats to the 1K - ID. (especially shan!)
Went to their grad show yesterday.
Kind of awkward and frightening place for me to enter again.
But then, i kind of miss the place.
Anyway...will be heading back again next week.
If not i will be slaughter by Sftey & Adel. lol!

I have a few things to be done.
- Activate my camera for photo shooting. (its been on my mind for long & I am getting rusty.)
- Finish The lovely Bones. Left 1/4 to go!
- Universal Studio
- 1 overseas trip
- I guess i need to replenish my wardrobe. Its not overflowing but its dying.
- Phone.. Iphone? BB?
- Exercise! I have put on weight since last week. Its bad! :(
- Watch the show that I downloaded. I realize..i only manage to watch Monga.
- And.. Save Save Save....

ARghh!

2010-05-11T01:09:00.004+08:00

For goodness sake. I hate OL.
Especially argumentative ones.

In my point of view.
I dont think I should do that.
I guess you should be less argumentative.
And learn your lesson.

Absolute

2010-04-24T04:03:00.002+08:00

Couldnt agree more with what it have said.

Its ironic when I have time to sleep...
I choose to surf net and watching videos.
Instead of getting my precious beauty sleep.
It's 4am!!!!!

in short...
- Busy week.
- Wonderful service last sunday. A wake up call.
- NEL jam on wednesday only to reach the studio after 1 hr of journey
(almost 45min of waiting/stuck in train).
- Need to start reading thelovelybones again!
- Saving up money.
- Need a hair cut tomorrow.
- Need to pack my parcel tomorrow.
- Ban on KOI/Bubble tea as of next tuesday.
- SALES AND MORE SALES!
- Get early rest.

p/s: i thought of changing URL again.... to igotmole.bs
just in case you dont rmb my mole.
I have mole. HAHA

2010-04-10T23:56:00.002+08:00

SURPRISE!

2010-04-10T00:36:00.003+08:00

I was sick this week.
Practically from Sunday night onwards.
I had too much snoopy potato chips that Jean brought for me.
If you dont know what is that, heres how it look like.

Ate 2 packets at one go.
I was being greedy cause i have always been craving for one.
For the longest time...

Anyway, the worries that i thought no one will replace me at work.
So i have to go work even though i was still sick
and very much like a zombie at work on Tuesday.
And when I heard Sarah's trip to Thailand was cancel....
muahuahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
THANK GOD, you heard me!
And finally got a rest from work.

And what's the surprise???
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Nope. I am not in love.
I wish I have though..
Limelight is not me. HA!
My brother is going to get......ENGAGED!!!!
You know my stories of what I am facing.....

Well...there's more!
I can't possibly write it all out here...
But I could say, dont see things on the surface.
You might not know what or how many things they have gone through?
But still I have point of view...dont come my house everyday can? LOL!

angry... i still haven watch any movie i downloaded!

the lovely bones

2010-04-04T02:32:00.005+08:00

Catch this movie with the girls on tuesday.

Seriously i still cant get over it.
Wasnt expecting much but i know i will love it. (its trailer you know!)
To my surprise, its nice!! :)
Maybe I should grab hold of the novel soon.
And I think I should start reading novel.

Been quite busy lately.
And i think I am stress out.
My memory starts to fall.
I keep forgetting things I suppose to do or remind.
Friday was a day full of mistakes! :(

I enter the wrong code, need to top up.
I send the wrong email.
I forgotten to pass the clothes to the customer.
I forgotten to take down customer's number.
I forgotten to sms daily sales.
I forgotten to buy newspaper.

And anyway... i took advice from stfey, esther n adel.
I told my brother I am irritated to see the gf everyday.
HAHAAAAAAA!! :D
So i guess i will see her lesser?

I downloaded....

& more..... :D

tired

2010-03-25T01:47:00.003+08:00

I'm gonna burst my tired bubbles soon.
I 'm pretty much tired of everything ever since Sunday.
And yeah...i mean everything.

The thought of not having a proper room for me to rest,
sitting down on the floor using my laptop?
How about being chase out of the room? I feel sucky.

Or being harass by someone who done you wrong and pressing you for forgiveness?
It's suck.

I'm pretty much tired to work and also work on the online shop and everything.
Maybe its time for me to have some small break.
Else I wont enjoy much on the things that i love to do.
:(

And i just found out my brother's gf....smoke. :((
Minus and minus.
I hate smokers.

i'm kan jiong

2010-03-09T00:46:00.003+08:00

I simply hate last minute things.
And it will make me panic the whole day if things never get done.
And I am facing it right now.
Guess I couldnt get a good night sleep which I plan to.

God, pray things will get smooth tomorrow!!

I wont do it again.

2010-03-06T23:50:00.005+08:00

I feel relief.
Truth show me the true character.
I wont forgive you.
Countless forgiveness i gave what i got in return is only disappointment.
Excuses and excuses.
Really screw you to the MAX!
Still dare to ask for forgiveness and still want to continue the friendship.
HELLO!!!
Look at what you have done?
Tell me how should I forgive you this kind of person.

You will be forgotten by me.
You dont exist in my world. AT ALL!

A total stranger, a total jerk.
I wont cried for someone like you.
You are not worth.

ANGRY!!!!!!

Ms Jeffery.

2010-03-06T00:56:00.008+08:00

I wonder if you still remember 'Ms. Jeffery'?
I miss her.

alright. thats me in the year of 2008.
Fat and ugly.
Dont ask me why I go and cut my hair till this length.
Because I myself, till today, i also had no idea!!!
sftey remind me of my short hair.
yes Jeffery. We miss you.
LOL!

And i have to go through freaking 2 years to get the length I have today.

Realise i cut my fringe into bang 3 times.
Ok. my hair GROWS. like finally.
My aim.
.
.
.
.

Sort of regret to cut my curly hair away.
My proud and curly hair. LOL!

Anyway, my tolerance reach to the limit.
I finally told my dad about how i feel when my dear brother brought his gf home.
The call on Wednesday upset me alot.
I dont like to be chase out of the room everyday.
When i came back from work, i dont want to be moving my things around as if,
this is not my home.
I never thought this things would happen to me.
I dont mind him having gf as he is getting older, he need to get marry and have his family soon.
But then, one thing is i dont like to be called home early just to chase me out of the share room.
And move my laptop and my facial products.
Daddy agree with my ranting to my surprise. :) :)

I like her.
But i just want to feel home when I am at home.

Had alot of hiccups lately.
Holding on to my beliefs and stay as strong as possible.
The night haunt me alot.
My average sleeping time is 3am.
Even though when my eyelid feel really tired and heavy.
I just couldnt get in to sleep.

That 2 weeks, bother me alot.
The thoughts and everything I told you.
You might feel like its a bomb message.
But all the doubts I have for you, i think you should know.
And also you have to reflect yourself.
Whether or not, you take my words seriously, i have say my piece.

When trust is gone, i think there is no way we could do anything.
Goodbye love.

shopping please?

2010-02-28T02:02:00.003+08:00

I need some real shopping.
Gonna grab some shoe at mitjsu and
cotton on maybe some basic wear using my voucher tomorrow.
Then pop by sakae to grab yushen.

and i need some real dirt shopping!

p/s: I wish i have my own room.
I got kick out 4th time this week. =(

fcuk

2010-02-16T17:15:00.004+08:00

Should I get this watch?
Its from french connection.
$200 over.

Should I?

http://www.frenchconnection.com/product/accessories/EWA8E/Classic+Round+Watch.htm

'nuah'

2010-02-14T22:03:00.003+08:00

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Bored.
Cheese Pineapple tart.
Steamboat.
Drama.
Movie.

That's what I have been doing for Day1.
I dont have any visitation.
And no one visited me.
My laptop hated me and jam me 4th time in a row. -_-"
Cheese pineapple tart is AWESOME!!
And is damn cheap! $15 for 3? LOL!

Had my nails colour in lilac.
I used 4 hours to finish both of my hands?
Because i had it ruin while doing another finger.

Dad ask me..
D: Today valentine, you never go out dating?
I: I dont have bf, how to go out dating....

It's my first time he ask me about this question.

And i totally dont know what to do for tomorrow.
Cause i thought i have plans.
Guess i have to keep nuahing tomorrow.

shit period

2010-02-10T01:03:00.007+08:00

I hate it when it comes.
Because i always have this ~~axiety, anger, frustration, betray, negative, suspicious~~
FEELING.

Not all. But to certain people.
And I am feeling this right now.
I want to bomb people. :(

You werent supposed to do that.

And I always forgot to do this.

Why did i fail again..
Shitty.

On another side, i spent $200 on Faceshop today.
OMG. I'm gonna bang myself for spending so much.
@#$%^&*()

I got wisdom!

2010-02-05T01:29:00.005+08:00

I guess my wisdom tooth is growing.
Aching at the gum area all the way in. -_-
CNY coming soon! I want to eat all the goodies!
Please dont come at the wrong time!
PLEASE!!
I hate that kind of feeling!
Feel like plucking out the tooth but yet i cant cause it hasnt grow out.
GRINS -

do not despise the days of small beginnings.
But remember hard enough of how much you have gone through.
Though I am working small now..but one day, God will bless me!
Confess . Believe . Received. =)

True enough.
That's what I wish for.
You dont return just because you want someone by yourside.
You want me back, because you really need me, see my goodness, accept my flaws.

CNY will be a long break for me.
Cause i got no visitation.
~~NO VISITATION = FREE TIME = NO ANG BAO = NO MONEY.~~
=(

intuition

2010-01-26T15:34:00.005+08:00

HOMGZ!
Saturday was a busy day for me for straight 12 hours.
Meet up with Sharon to get our stock and off we go to photoshoot at Bussorah street.
My virgin shoot.
My virgin experience to actually use a DSLR.
It was so FUN!
A bit of hiccups and here there.
But nonetheless, this studio is awesome!
And I am surprise by the amount of popular BS having there shoots there.
HAHA!

I'm gonna have my shoot there next time! =)
The guy whom own the area is awesome!
He didnt charge me for the DSLR rental.
And even taught me how to use.
Love it!

Anyhow, the new webby is up!

And studio shot really makes a different. =)

~~~~~~~

One sentence.
You dont know how to treasure when you have it in your hands.

D10: What haven't kill me makes me stronger

2010-01-20T02:16:00.003+08:00

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."
— Martin Luther King Jr.

I told Jean last Saturday that i still feel hatred and anger.
Somehow, i cant do anything but learn to stay cool, calm and busy.
I got his message on Sunday night.
He say he is not in a relationship.
But then the fact is he is in love.
It still hurts after all and makes no difference.

Seeing someone whom you once care and treasure so much even though you feel hurt.
Reading the blog he wrote.
I realise, he doesnt need my help anymore.
Am I stupid to even care in silence?
It's not the love i was looking, i emphasis.
Just even when i know he's in love.
I still want to know how he has been doing?

Holding on to hatred and anger didnt make me any better.
Why make yourself miserable where he enjoying his life?
If letting it go easily can make it better, i would have done it 1 year ago.
Cause to me i feel, its a untold story not known by many.
Its only me and him who knew what really went wrong.
But then it's still complicated.
Maybe something were better off hiding then releasing the truth.

I havent FALL.
I am still STRONG.
It's the 10th day after that issue.
Cause I dont want to lose to myself for this that hurt and worthless.
what haven't kill me makes me stronger.

I may cried, grief and think.
But I know one day, God will place a better person beside me.
And I need to pray even more.
This 2010 wont be the same.
I will be on track and not get distracted.

Constantly remind myself, I should be forgetting him because he wont be in my life story anymore.
And got to thank him.
Cause he make me grew stronger throughout this whole situation.

D9: Dreams

2010-01-19T00:38:00.001+08:00

I dreamt that I went to Korea but...with my Brother. =/
So random. We were playing snow in the stormy snow.
I think i overseas with him too much.
A phobia.

Pretty exhausted this week.
Just want to 'nuah' at home for one whole day.
But then, i still like this kind of life.
Busy with the things I am doing.
Just so much fulfilment. =))

Havent got time to pack my cupboard n my table.
Its messy.
I have a very messy room.
I just wish I have my own room so I wont be chase out again.
hurrr....!!!

D6: attitude

2010-01-16T02:17:00.000+08:00

That's what I wish for.

Been working 7 days straight without any off day.
I need rest!!!!!

Looking forward to Saturday.
Hopefully everything went well.
Hopefully my G10 dont fail me on studio shoot.
Lots of things to do this Saturday.
OMG. =X

2010 will be the best in my life. =))

D2: I almost kill the family

2010-01-12T00:42:00.005+08:00

I kill mama roach yesterday.
I kill baby roach just now.
I almost kill papa roach few minutes ago.

Guess papa roach gonna make a revenge.
Please dont come find me at night!

D2: She’s the girl that picks herself up every time she falls.

D1: Make it count

2010-01-11T12:38:00.010+08:00

Thursday//
Went out with sftey & adel for ~~inspirational~~ window shopping.

End up we decide to go for some shopping!
Running over orchard area from PS to FEP.
Finally i went to 313.

Dinner at Ipuddo (Authentic Ramen)

Chill out at starbucks till 11.30pm.

Saturday//
First date with airin.
She survied her 3 inches heel till 9pm ++. *Clap*
Went over to 313 again.
Brought a Grey blazer at new look.
Got it at a steal! suppose to be $69 but its on sale at $39! =))
Brought her to Ipuddo again.
I am broke.
Seating at the same place.
Ipuddo san not that good looking on a 2nd look. =p
Met a new boy.
Fail to catch movie as both of them has curfew.
So we chill at yakun.
Anyway, both of us saw our ex-flame!
SO funny!

Home was empty that night as my parents went KL, brother went Genting with his new girl.
I love the fact that no one is at home.
I can do my own things at own pace.

Sunday//
Service was great.
Shall make it to use.
Got to work as Sharon is sick.
Got throw out from the room as my brother's gf came.
I hate it when it was this way.
I want my own room.

Monday//
woke up freaking late today and cab down to work.
There goes my money!
I'm gonna meet Huiqin later for sushi!
Can't wait for the foodie! =))

Day 1: Make it count and counting.

"She’s the girl that believes that what comes around goes around.
The one that hopes for a better day.
The one that won’t give up on you.
She’s the girl that’s unlike the rest.
The one that spent her days smiling, and her nights crying.
She’s the girl that would love to be loved.
The one that looks so damm strong, but feels so weak.
She’s the girl that picks herself up every time she falls."

love/hate

2010-01-10T01:24:00.005+08:00

To myself:

You felt loser for a moment.
You were reminded by your new year resolution.
Money is what you need to get back and say BYE BYE.
Dont care even when he say lets not be friend.
Just as you know, its not the first time he say and never would be the last.
Friend is not what he was looking for the past 1 year.

Why get yourself so emotional for someone like him.
Whereas he is just happily with the replacement of new found love.
Useless.
Be happy cause he dont care anymore.
So stop all your care and concern on someone who is a jerk.
And be reminded to get on track on your new year resolution.
Karma will come for sure.
Hand in there and grip your teeth.
No matter how many emotional you gonna go.
People will always stay just there for you.

And thank him for letting you grow stronger and mature.
Till the end of day, its his lost.

Promise youself you will be good after the emotion.

From: Karina

p/s: I'm sorry to all of you to have to go through my emotional again after much.

You gonna love this.

2010-01-07T01:46:00.005+08:00

How can you resist this temptation?
If only i could go back phuket with friends next time.
And I am gonna get this and eat 10 straight!

Speaking of thailand.
I couldnt upload the photos for the last trip in FB.
It's like my laptop gone crazy.
Anyway, we done alot of stupid things.
Especially 2 of them gone haywire. =/
Let me show you what is the stupid things.

Fashion disaster
THE WANNBES

And its true, going overseas with friends is much better then brother.
I want to go overseas again....if i win lottery!
So happy that I'm off today! Going to meet the girls later to chill!

ciao~

Supress

2010-01-06T00:46:00.004+08:00

Suppress too much of my feelings yesterday.
As a result, i didnt get good sleep.
Or I can say, i dont really sleep.
I am tired today.

Thank God my boss came down to shop accompany me and keep me busy.
So sweet of her to even brought me curly fries! =))
Thanks!

Hows my feeling today?
I am afraid that today i am good, tomorrow i will be worst and next few days i will be emo.
I hate this kind of feelings like it gets worst each time.
But then Jean told me to get prepare myself since you know it will be coming.
I'm gonna be prepare this time.

Seeing him this good.
I am not jealous. Just disappointed at myself so much to struggle.
Plus sometimes guys is like a jerk.
They free and lonely, they come find you, sms you, call you, msn you.
Anything that it will make your heart soft and go back.
But when they are occupied with another girl which he is in love.
They ditch you away again.
So much that he counsel people to stay away from this kind of person but yet,
he is doing the same thing.
Twice it happen to me and twice i have to handle myself.
And they are in the happiness.
ANGRY la. *^^%@^%#^@

I am not going to bless him and the girl again.
I am not that BIG HEART to do it which i told him.
Cause its so much for me to handle all this shit he just shake his butt and walk off.
And "SORRY" this word, dont mean to me anymore when its coming from you.
I felt disgusted.

I am gonna pick up my hat this saturday without meeting him and that's it.
No more contacts as I have told him.
Anyway, he dont care at all.

I want to keep myself much more busy this time.
So if you want to date me, call me, sms me, you are welcome to do so.
Starbucks, chatting session, badminton, excerise, anything take makes me busy!
All these are FOC services.
HAHA!!

DREAMS

2010-01-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

Dream of my little brother.
Wearing scout uniform, standing at the front row, marching.
SO CUTE!
Miss the time with you wenlin. =))

Building character

2010-01-04T17:07:00.002+08:00

long way to go..

Can you believe?

2010-01-04T16:15:00.004+08:00

I was away from work for week to my Thailand trip.
Alot of things change, as what I have expected but yet another surprising comment.
My boss just told me, this customer actually complain that she dont like me.
She say I have ATTITUDE PROBLEM.
HAHA...
Can you believe it?
Someone actually say I have attitude problem.
Its my first time.
OHOH!

Oh come on, who is having the attitude problem, spoilt brat.
You are like 20 over already still act this way.
The typical singaporean. Throw my face.
OMG.
And add on, she is holding a CHANEL BAG and ask for a pathetic 5% discount
If you can afford something that expensive, why bother to keep asking for more discount.
Its not as if you brought alot of things.
grins.

I am not annoy by it.
But then I find that its funny.
Cause no one ever say that to me.
LOL!

Anyway, 2010, a new year, new beginning for me, new single hood life.

I got news that he is in love.
Shock..but then i was expecting also.
Sometimes, i felt stupid too.
Stuck for almost a year and yet this 1 year he himself can get in love for twice.
How stupid I am.
I'm gonna laugh at myself so much.

I have no mood to blog any for my resolution.
I am glad i am able to rant my frustration abit to someone.
Need to clam down now. :(

p/s: finally deleted the fb.

are we bond?

2009-12-07T16:35:00.003+08:00

How would you feel if you go to a place where there isnt any bonding and interaction?
instead you feel annoy, angry and out of place?
How long is the duration that the whole group of people takes to bond together?
Or is it not the time factor but instead the personality of one self?

I know they are nice people.
But sometimes, i just felt i cant interact with them.
Instead, i felt very much annoy lately.
I never had this problem before. No matter how annoying you are, i can take it.
After 2 years, we still cant bond together.
I got no best friend in cg whom i can really talk deep down like before.
And when the contacts come on friday & sunday, all the question is are you coming?
And not... what happen to you?
Is it how its suppose to be?

I am not a very faithful person in God.
I admit.
Because I ran away before.

And I am not running away now. And I never intend to.
Just i need a place that I wont feel out of place.
A place I can talk happily.
A place that is really truely concern of one another not only on friday and sunday.
But at least like a friend that we still keep contacts on any other day.

A simple 'Hello!' and 'How are you?' really do the magic.

I felt like I am giving trouble to her.
And I am grateful for everything that she's done to me in life.
I didnt want to disappoint her neither do I want to let her have the mindset "oh, she's running away again!"
NO!!!
But sometimes, its not everybody that you can interact.
Unless your EQ is super high till the whole world knows you. Cant be right?
Maybe I should find my own cg again?

I cant be force. I am stubborn.
I dont want means I dont want.

just my rant.
I may sound selfish but this is the least that i wish I wont feel out place.

MOOD: HAPPY

2009-12-05T00:01:00.004+08:00

And i got my destiny!

I cant explain how much happiness and fulfilment i have today.
Though it doesn belong to me, but yet, i am happy for her.
I have been working like mad since yesterday.
The crowd was a blast for both days.
And...I hit the highest sales record today!!
mmmmmuuuaahhahahahahaahahaaa!!! :D :D

It's not my shop, i know!
The money dont belong to me.
But one day, i will have this success like her too!
The shop owner is very friendly and nice.
Even though when i told her that i also own online shop, she dont mind!
I thought she feel like a spy in the shop.
But yet, she even help me with some of the ideas like studio.
She has her own studio at home... HOW COOL IS IT!!
That was what i wanted to do, few months back.

I making a come back again for my online shop.
After 2 months of learning in her shop. I guess now i know alittle more then before.
At least i can be friendly and socialise with the supplier and customer.
I think i am born to be in retail line.
My first job is retail, 3rd and 5th job also retail.
HAHA... let me retail for life!

And I just got a few nice items from city plaza!
Surprisingly, i can wear them!
if it was 1 yr ago, i think my fats are running out place!
HAHAA...

today is the day of fulfilment and hope! :D

SWEET

2009-12-02T01:41:00.004+08:00

I meet up with this guy today to pass a dress to him.
I was told that he actually wanted to get for his gf as a surprise.
He even sms me a few times telling me not to take orders from his gf.
I was thinking.....SSSSSWWWWEEEEETT!!
HAHA... and he's still in teens.
I wonder did i do that in my teens?

I wonder, why do you still contact me after all this shitty things we are going through.
Blunt words and anger.
Ugly things and such.
Paranoid.
the infinte sorry we always apologise?
but i was always left in the mystery.
with no answer.

and still in mystery...

infection

2009-11-29T02:55:00.004+08:00

I think I'm going to have fever soon.
Throat infection again. I felt pain at the side of my throat.
I dont know what does it called in english, but my mum told me that its called 扁桃腺炎.
It's like a lump at the side of the throat end.

and this is how it look like in real life.

I dont have it that swollen like the picture.
But sure it irritates me cause its quite pain to swallow food and drinks.
I went to research, it says one can get serious up for operation.
Cause this 2 lumps can cause one to be breatheless if it continues to grow bigger.
:(

and i dont want to admit to hospital.
i hate hospital.

should, shouldnt

2009-11-15T04:09:00.005+08:00

I lost my sleep today.
I should treat myself better.
I should protect myself.
I should let it go once and for all.
I should be happy and laughing.
I should be mean and meant it this time.
I should be appreciated and treated well.
I should be deserved by someone better.
I shouldnt dwell on it anymore.
I shouldnt think of it anymore.
I shouldnt get myself into this saddness episode anymore.
I dont want to disappoint myself and friends again.
I need to free myself from this bondage that is going in cycles.

I mean it and really mean it.
I promised to be good to myself.

I NEED RETAIL THERAPY!!!!!!
ANYONE WANT JOIN ME ON THURSDAY??

丁当 ( for twice, she is my music therapy)
我爱他
他的镜框留在某一节车厢
地下铁里的风比回忆还重
整座城市一直等着我
有一段感情还在漂泊

对他唯一(如果还有)遗憾是分手那天
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
曾经依靠彼此的肩膀
如今各自在人海流浪

我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
逃不开爱越深越互相伤害
越深的依赖越多的空白
该怎么去爱
我爱他轰轰烈烈最疯狂
我的梦狠狠碎过却不会忘
曾为他相信明天就是未来
情节有多坏都不肯醒来

我爱他跌跌撞撞到绝望
我的心深深伤过却不会忘
我和他不再属于这个地方
最初的天堂最重的荒唐

如果还有遗憾又怎么样呢
伤了痛了懂了就能好了吗
我奔腾的眼泪都停不下来
若那一刻重来我不哭
让他知道我可以很好

Facts of me

2009-11-13T15:46:00.003+08:00

I love this!

I thought of this when I was trying to get sleep last night.
The facts of me.

Negative thoughts.
Not bold enough.
Keep things to own.
The stubbornness.
The eagerness I have. Means I want it now and means now.
Rely on another partner too much, when lost, i am lost.
Think too much of stuff that is not suppose to be worry.

In fact what we worry out of 100%,
98% is not gonna to appear, means we worry for nothing.
A few percent is the problem that we can solved.
Another few percent is what we cant solved.
And the tiny whiny 2% is what we actually should worry about.
Haaa...humans.

On another side, the friend issue.
I thought of what Jean told me is sensible enough for me to wake up.
Take it that he is helping me to get rid issue we have.
I could say I feel vulnerable now, but yet I should thank him for doing it for me.
Which I couldnt do it at all.
Cause what he does is enough to hurt me another time.
Or...I hurt him another time.
Well.....let time pass. It will heal me anyway like the other time.

I need shopping therapy.
I have got $80 voucher not yet to be used.
And I realised the clothes I am wearing is 1 size bigger then what i actually wear.
It means.....I slim down! =)))
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA.
And I hate pulling jeans while walking.
I look very very much unglam!
More clothes for shopping spreess........
Call me if you have the itch! :D

I feel sick. Feverish, nose stuck and soreness of the throat.

karma is never good.

2009-11-08T00:01:00.006+08:00

you disappointed me so much and more.
time and time i thought if I stay by your side when you need me, you will do the same when I need you.
you prove me wrong.
fun is more then the friends you actually mention.
I dont believe in you anymore. "FRIEND". =((((

sometimes....I wonder attendance is more important then emotion.
Because they always add "if possible..."
I need a rest from you people.

i hate hospital. :(

2009-11-07T23:06:00.003+08:00

mummy admitted to hospital again. :(

trick or treats?

2009-11-04T14:32:00.007+08:00

I didnt have much celebration on my birthday.
But then, I guess I had a different one i suppose.
Had my 1st Halloween party cum birthday on Zouk.
Felt awkward back there cause its like they were all amaze that i didnt club.
I am good girl ok. =)

And the people power to the max.
Their costume for Halloweeeenn is..6254698723 cool!
I felt dress out cause it was a last minute plan I have.

SEE!!
Their makeup and costume. omg!!
If you notice my face is like just got beaten up...blue purplish!
But that night was fun. :)

I am getting use to the life right now.
For your info, i still have contacts with him.
Sometimes, we will hang out.

Maybe....

But...

That's how I feel.
He might be collaborating with me for the online shop.
Since his fashion sense is so much stronger then me?
I know it sounds like the both of us just cant let go him and her.
It's true, cause the both of us is selfish.
But purely friendship is there.
We just wait and see.
Till one day when I really left, then he will know.
Cause no one had ever learn to treasure until they lost.

Anyway, I am still waiting for our belated birthday celebration!!!
Good luck for your assessment , girls!!

What should I get for my brother's birthday???

shock at state

2009-10-26T02:58:00.004+08:00

Suppose to have a great time with my family yesterday for dinner since my mother strike 4d.
And usually this family outing dont come often.
Since my dad is working on sunday till late, we usually dont have family day.
So, I am envy of those who can have their father off work on sunday and have a family day.
And this, i treasure so much.

I brought them to Suki Sushi since my parents never been to Japanese restaurant.
Glad that they enjoy the food! :)
Oh btw, the hotate....not too bad! We can tried it the next time though Sushi Tei was the best!
Anyway, we head back to TPY grab some grocery from NTUC.
So as we walk down to the bus stop, my brother, father and I were happily talking about some stuff.
And suddenly..... I heard my mum shout, and I saw her trip and fall onto the ground right in front of me.
Her head hit onto the edge of the pavement.
I was shock.
I was panic.
We were panic.
It's so scary to actually saw how your mum fall and hit onto the ground.

Her head got a deep cut. And blood was bleeding non-stop.
Thank God for protection. She dont need to be hospitalised or any other.
Just, I am so worry and the moment i thought of how she fall in front of me.
It make me cried.

And the thought of it that incident happen again during my birthday week.
Previously was my younger brother which i had to spent my 20th birthday in hospital.
To actually stay in hospital..is HORRIBLE!!!
I think i got phobia of staying at hospital. Cause I have been to hospital to and fo everyday for 10months.
Who wont have phobia?

on the other side, HAAPYY BIRRRTHDDAAY to esther! =D

Kick the box

2009-10-25T01:38:00.005+08:00

Start my work last monday.
Everything was fine. Get to bring my laptop to kill my time.
Lunch time is the busy hour but it only lasted less then 2 hour.
So most of the time, i will be FREE!
That's the best part of it.
I still prefer retail line compare to office work.
I think i feel more alive now then compare to when I was working in office.
Its like no life to work 8-6pm every week.
And drop dead at home and slept at 11pm.

Anyway, i just sign up the small package at California fitness.
It's $29.90 and lasted for like 2 months.
I can join any classes and I wanted to go kickboxing!!!
So if you girls want to go..can find me! But only 1 at a time... =(
Cause I only can bring 1 friend in.
So...God please bless me with flat tummy!!
I will be happy if I have hers. =D

I have a sudden feeling that people are going to leave me.
I am just so afraid that people close to me will be leaving me for good.
First my younger brother and then SP.
They left for good. And no longer will be right beside me.
I know people come and go. But its my character that I can't let go of things easily.
Like what they say take it and leave it.
First its my younger brother it took me a whole year to stop crying for him after he left.
And now, i am still in the midst of the cant bear apart situation.
It takes time.
But exactly how long, I have no idea.

i'm not emo, just my feelings and thoughts.

boots

2009-10-21T12:32:00.003+08:00

I have finally found the boots i wanted to buy!
But then, i dont think it was sold in singapore.
And I have check the US website, the boots was not on sale.
So sad!! I dont think i can find it any where.
Saw one selling on ebay but it was sold $400 over including shipping.....
Should I get the basic colour one??
hmmm.....

Brought my lappy to work! :D
Cause I stone myself at work from 2.30pm-6pm. Bored.
Start my work on Monday.
Pretty alright. Alittle hiccups here and there.
And the sales was damn good!
Even my boss also surprised by it!
thanks to the lady who brought $150 over. HAHA
And guess i wanted to change my style.
Looking all over the fashion style. reference and reference.
But one thing I am lack of is cash and losing my tummy.. :(
I need flat tummy cause now is like bloated.
So girls, next time lets head for excerise instead of dinner alright?
HAHAHA....

And even kids are much more fashion sense then us!

Dear god....
My birthday wish is to have this kind of room on my own! HAHA

p/s: our birthday is coming in one week time!!

strangers

2009-10-16T16:03:00.005+08:00

How do you feel when someone closed to you,
turns out to be total stranger?

Someone whom you want to help
but do not know how to when you see he's going astray?

I am having that kind of feeling.
It's frustrating.
It's disspointing.

------------------------------------------------------

I feel like having a tattoo on me.
But I know my mum gonna shout at me if I am going to do that.
I'm starting my part time job at novena.
Tending the shop alone...
omg.. i am so afriad I am gonna screw up.
Please pray for me.

=(

2009-10-08T10:15:00.003+08:00

I didnt manage to grab any sleep for the last 30 hours.
Twisting and tossing on my bed from 4am....
I woke up from my bed at 6am to go for 365 prayer.
I didnt felt anything. :(

Maybe I was.
And I felt lost all of the sudden.
What have i been doing?
What have I succeed in doing things?
It suck.
Cause I fail my parents. :(
I have alot of things in mind.
Should I go for it or wait for it?
I dont want to dream. I want to MAKE IT!
But what's stopping me?
What's making me lost?

I felt shit today.
My heart is tearing, my eyes are tearing.
Maybe I should grab some chocolate bars.
:( :( :(

How to live life to the fullest when you are lost?

words can't bring me down

2009-10-02T03:07:00.003+08:00

I'm a survivor!
Yes.. I am a broken heart girl.
But that doesn't mean i hate everything in life. (including you.)
I have got so much cool people around me. (you know who I am talking!)
No matter what you say to remind me how much i was being broken down by you..its not a cause anymore.
You dont mean anything to me. NOTHING.

No matter how much you critize me or church.. its nothing to do with you.
You go on with your have fun yet lost of your soul.
Party to death as far as I think. Go!!
Just go away from my life and get lost of it.
Having this so called friendship that you want it to be is suck.
Get lost you heartless jerk.

finally done with my ranting....

Maldives

2009-09-29T23:07:00.003+08:00

Did you watch fann's wedding?
The place they shoot their photo.... GORGEOUS!!

Would love to go there for honeymoon in future.
♥♥♥

deleted

2009-09-29T02:27:00.003+08:00

And yes they are.
The photos, the smile, the smell, the memories....etc
As much as I wanted to move on to next, i have finally deleted every single thing about him.
And yes.. no doubt, it took me so much courage to press the delete button.
I have to tell myself.. it's ok. No memories of him would be better in life.

And I promise.. I'll be ok.

All that adds up

2009-09-28T00:01:00.010+08:00

I left my blog to death again!

Anyway, how have I been? (answer to est!)
I have been going out with friends lately.
Sorting out thoughts what I want to do.
Controlling myself to stop those unwanted negative thoughts?
Haha.. I think I am neither good or bad. =)

Phuket trip was...so-so.
It's sponsor by my brother though he force himself to.
Cause no on had the time. HA!
And everyone mistook me and my brother as a couple. -__-"
omg, omg, omg, omg....
I feel awkward. REAL AWKWARD.
And both of us can be that bored that we watch 2 movie.
So I see why couple's go to Phuket. *grins
Would love to go there again... perhaps with friends would be better.
But overall, i have to thanks my brother.

And my 2nd home, BKK. Heee~
Properly going back again in December with my cgl anna and pam.
Been hanging out with them more then usual.
Cause they are the person who really knows what I am going through.
And they can be real funny in terms of the language they talk.
Trust me, you wouldn't want to know about it cause it will fail your english.
Still in the midst of planning and saving. I am so so excited about everything!

And my brother caught me crying. He actually ask me and gave me huggggiexx..!!
Shock me but i really appreciate. =)
Thank you for being a wonderful brother.

Some fun things i found on tumblr. Should I change to tumblr?
tumblr looks cool~

"We are like houses lived in by old men who tie balloons to the top of them who then want to travel to South America. The sooner we throw our old furniture out the door, the higher we go…"

Real life Photoshop. Awwesommee!!

Below are for the cat lovers of sftey & adel. =D

Love this mr mafia! ♥♥♥

Lastly......

You got to try this Kusuka Cassava Chips!
It's freaking nice! Try the Cheese Cheddar. Sold at NTUC.
I'm loving it.

Shall meet you girls again when you are free!!!

fats flying around

2009-09-02T23:53:00.005+08:00

i have to complain.

i feel FAT!
hahaha.. every girls belief i guess.
but i wish i was 1 size smaller then I am now.
i am down on 2kg.
still hoping down more till 48kg.
I am targetting!!!! My goals....end of this year!
So if by luck, you saw me lost of weight..dont ask me why!

Analeigh (ANTM cycle 11)
I love her hair, body..the leg! woah! haha..

ANTM cycle 13 is coming! For petite sizes only!
and Supernatual is coming back on 10/9! wooHoo!
Love Jensen Ackles! cant wait for him to scream!!!!!~

coincidence

2009-08-30T23:56:00.008+08:00

the coincidence that reminds me I have not met you for 2 weeks.
things are getting complicated now.
you somehow told me how you feel.
the response..i barely even get what you were trying to say..
it was like you wanted but things draw you away.
half hearted? unsure? scared? afraid?
i dont know if we could move on or remain as it is.
sometimes hearts and feelings are hard to control.
afraid to let you know how much I miss.
afraid to hear from you, you actually miss too.
afraid to know the real answer behind.
afraid to hear silence from you.
puzzle to the heart is getting smaller and tougher, still i dont know if I should carry on.
everyone in life say, forgive and forget.
but we know that its the hardest thing to do in life.
its hard for me now.

and it does. blinded? maybe.
i have been fighting it against for months.
what if its the lies that you tell me.
I have found some truth.
but...I am not sure if I am correct.

my blood

2009-08-23T23:51:00.002+08:00

I DONATED MY BLOOD!!!!!
This packet is my blood, my blood, my blood!!
Haha.. the greatest thing that I have done this year!

I thought it will be that painful as the needle is..thick!
And I could see myself shaking real hard on the bed.
But after the experience.. HA! small piece of cake.
Guess I will be the frequent donor from now.
It does feel great after donating.
But one thing.. i dont know what blood type am I.
I know its weird. My I/C didnt state any.
I hope I am not the only one! HAAA...

If i could have these...

2009-08-22T03:57:00.003+08:00

I wish I could have this buttons in my lives.
especially to pause and treasure the times I have with my younger brother.
have been dreaming of him for the past few days...
nostalgia is doing the job now. =(
I miss his laughter and kisses.

it's 4am.......i still need to get things done for tomorrow!
Hope tomorrow launch will take success!

There is sunshine after the rain....lalalala~~

Satisfaction

2009-08-21T02:28:00.003+08:00

This is what I am feeling right now!
HAHA!
Had my photoshoot today.
It's tiring and I need to keep my mind working.
Guess I did a good job in styling! Kudos to me! =)
And this satisfaction feel, no way you could feel it if you didnt accomplish!

The Proposal was hilarious!
What a good way to start a relationship and got engaged within a week!
Sandra Bullock reminds me of this old show, SPEED.
My favourite show when I was 10 i guess.
I didnt know she was in her 40s now!!!!!

Next show to catch...final destination and orphan!

Nobody said it was easy.

2009-08-20T00:11:00.004+08:00

I have gone through some shit today.
Maybe its better this way.
I thought I will cried much more, guess I am not.

I am done for today. It's part of history.

thoughts

2009-08-17T20:41:00.008+08:00

Hola~
Have not been in a mood for blogging.
This blog is as good as dead. Ha~
A lot of random thoughts I have in mind.
A lot of things i am trying to figure out.
Future, studies, relationship and myself.

At the age of 22, what do I want?
I want to work out in the onlineshop.
I know it will be busy again like what I did the last time.
I lost my lady luck. Hadnt been good lately.
Everything I have done, did not turn out to be what I was expecting.
Complaining and whinning is not what I am going to do.
I just have to keep on going. It's life.
I am creating my life.

I am getting older. sign~
And I do feel i look much more mature then what my age is.
Ever since when I was young, people thought i am in the much older age.
Even when i am out with my brother, they always mistook me as the gf..
HELLO!!!! He's 26!!! Do i even look like 26? omg...

Found this on a lj site.

I gave up. No matter how much I tried. It's still there.
I guess its as good leaving it in the air, wonder itself.
Till someday, it will go away.

Adel's birthday part 2 (The dressies girls)

I still feel this photo is classic. =)

Thank you girls for making my day.

- feel like changing my blog link again.. opps! -

Commercial

2009-08-12T01:29:00.002+08:00

I think singapore need to improve on the BORING commercial!

Better plans

2009-08-02T00:35:00.005+08:00

Letting go is the act of ultimate surrender,
stripping yourself of those burdens, and moving forward with life.

ripped from ade's blog.
inspiring sentences and it makes sense.

I GOT MY MOOLAH FROM NUFFNANG!!!

decided not to hold flea next month at suntec.
Good opportunity though, but i guess i have better plans ahead. =)
Trying to get to studio shots and a good model.
And I mange to found one which consists of studio, lighting and photographer!
HAAAA~ $80 nett! And its at arab street! =D =D
Pray the upcoming sales will be a blast for me.

Mark Cornner's sermon bless me much.
Brought the prison break book by him! (Not the drama!)
Got his autograph too!

Take care sftey n est!
We shall head off to timbre after all the virus! =)

uncertainty

2009-07-29T15:00:00.002+08:00

I woke up with the feeling of uncertainty.
Everything in my life is so not clear.
I have been moving around with a blur visions and goals.
The things I want to do big, it didnt turn out to be what I expected.
Fear and doubt stop me from being great.
I need someone to help me.
Someone who can push me further to the maximum limit I have.
Someone to hold my hands when I feel lost.
Someone to remind me that I am not alone.
Someone to tell me that how great I am.
=(

I was thinking if I should go to the flea again next month in Suntec.
I guess the crowd would be more then expo! It's in city area...!!
Add on, the flea is at the entrance!
But I am just worry it didnt cover the rental.
I need alot of help in manpower.
But its hard as most of them are busy at work.
I still doubting if I should held.
I will need to bring in more stock and strategy for the flea.
Should I??

random

2009-07-23T12:55:00.002+08:00

"We were more then friends but less then relationship.
I admire you now for who you are then before we were together.
Out of the relationship circle, i begin to see the you, who i have not seen for the last 5 years."

Flea market tomorrow.
Anxious, fear, worries all come to my mind.
I need to be positive with everything on my hands.
I lacking of man power and
I was wondering how am I going to bring 3 big bags of clothes,
walking out to the road side and flag taxi??
I should lesser some of the items.
OMG...!!
And my handphone is faulty now.
I totally cant use it at all.
All my contacts are inside. Totally cant retrieve anything.

I quit the job in Singtel.
I cant stand the nonsense they have.
And I need to go down to take my pay which i have not go back to office for 2 days.
Scary....!!!

Hope everything went well tomorrow!!!!

sick

2009-07-10T00:25:00.004+08:00

yizhuang is sick.

its being a very long time ever since i get medical leave.
For 3 days, i have not report to work.
If I didnt go tomorrow means I only work 1 day this week!!!!!
But I have 4 days MC so.....heeeee..!!

I was still thinking if I should report work tomorrow..
and out of the sudden, I have headache and flu.
Haaaa..it does make sense that i should be staying at home?

going to get rest now.....

butterfiles in my stomach

2009-07-04T01:48:00.003+08:00

"I feel butterflies in my stomach".

ever since I end my work and got back home.
Something make me anxiety, but I have no idea what is it.
I google search and found out the meanings.

Butterflies in the stomach is most often experienced prior to important events, related to nervousness and can be experienced in situations of impending danger.

It is common for one to feel butterflies in the stomach when one is in the early stages of a relationship. It can be caused by nervousness and fear of the unknown. Butterflies in the stomach are often seen as a positive and harmless sign of one's subconscious feelings for one's romantic interest and are caused by the release of mood altering endorphins. Butterflies in the stomach are frequent in first time teenage romances and studies show that this symptom is more frequently experienced by females than males. Many adults who have experienced multiple relationships and are secure in themselves tend not to even feel butterflies. You can get butterflies from talking to someone you have a crush on. It is very difficult to rid of, but sometimes just sitting back, relaxing and taking deep breathes can help to relieve it.

Anyway... I realised I have alot of things not done for the flea!
left 3 weeks, i need to clear alot of things.
have not yet got the clothes hanger, name card, stocks, banner, plastic bags, change money....etc!
got to be busy soon with my work n flea again!!

And I am all so ready to go THAILAND!

double the happiness

2009-07-01T01:22:00.005+08:00

I cant wait to share!!
Thailand trip is confirm! =D
Initially, i decided not to go last night cause shortage of funds and I am going alone there.
So I had no choice but to cancel and drop the ideas off.
Taking stock in SG, which will cost me more.

But then...i got my GST package money today (add on my pay day)!
I almost forgot and it came at the right time.
muhahahahahhaaha.....
I think I am going to sleep and laugh at the same time.
And thanks to cath for accompany me!
And Mr Eric for allowing his wife to accompany me!
Ahhhaaa....thank God! phew~

Another thing which sort of making me happy too.
He called me today.
He told me how he feel and he say he wants to come back.
This, i have always been hoping for.
Have been praying for it ever since he left.
Though he has not treated me well back then,
but I thank God that he make a turn back to God.
Which this is the first thing I really pray for when comes to him.

Though I hoping for someday we will get back, but then as I think,
I dont think I am in situation to make correct decision.
Or maybe to say, we cant make the decision.
Oh well, I just glad that he come back to church,
and this is the happiest thing I will feel about it. =)

I think I am going to sleep at work....

distracted

2009-06-28T22:57:00.002+08:00

well, i am still in the midst of folding up my feelings.
people have been telling me to stop msging him, i tried.
We have a good talk on friday night.
Somehow, i guarded him while he told me what he is going through.
But one thing i know, we can never get back.
I feel something is different. Maybe, the love he had for me is no longer there.
Just that in his saddest moment, he could only remember me.
He told me about his girl, and finally he admit it.
He say she wasnt there for him, like i do.
I am still feeling very confused..

On the other side, I plan to go Thailand...alone!!
Initially, the plan was to go with anna.
But she only free on weekdays. But I wanted to go chatuchak to get stock which only open on weekend!
I didnt realised that they actually wholesale!!
And I remember that the style of the clothes they had is so much fashionable!
I search for hotels near chatuchak and found this link.

http://www.reflections-thai.com/rooms.htm

I saw this on the show! They have different theme for different room!
But its $96 per night. Compare to the room I wanted to book is half the price more!
But in terms of location, this is more nearer to where I wanted to go.

Advantage: Save time, transportation, and I dont need to walk a long way compare to the one that I wanted to book. Add on, friday night is wholesale day, so i assume its pretty much cheaper.
But if i were to book the cheaper hotel which is far away, i dont think I can go to the wholesale at friday night.
LOL...Should I get this hotel instead?

the agony

2009-06-15T01:55:00.007+08:00

Its still the same feeling when I looked at the POP picture with your girl when you told me you n her is nothing!
Oh crap. I still felt anger upon cause on the other hand you keep messaging me.
Just what are you up to? Do you know that its heartbreaking at the same time to me?
Why am I so silly to even hope for you to come back to church at the later time?
Why did guys moved on so FAST whereas I am still stuck at where I am...
He could get another girl in less then 2 weeks.
Just what is this love or rather what is love about?
Why can one get heartbreak and another moment in love again?
Dont you guys need healing?
Dont you guys feel sad?
Or are you SO DESPERATE for one?
I felt a moment of agony.
What did I do wrong that he hurt me so badly and deeply?
yiikkkessss!!!! =(

and when will it be the day when I really stand out from the agony?
does it takes days, weeks, months or even years?
sometimes, its so helpless cause encourage can be advise but all its up to me.
but.. the feelings that I have I can't help or control.
It's part and parcel of life. I know.
But all i ask is to end it fast and not holding hopes again in people.

the quiet one

2009-06-07T23:34:00.002+08:00

Having meals with the girls just now before they fly over to other countries.
I realised, I am the quiet one.
And its like always?? I swore myself to change to be the noisy one instead of the quieter one.
It seems hard. And I will always be the listening ear.
Arghh... does leopard never change its spot...true??
Something must be done!!
I dont want to have my mother's character.....
but my mother really inherit her character to me. =(
It's not that bad but in social life... its hard to survie.
I just want to be bubbly enough in the groups.
But as always...the conversation will stop when it comes to me.
Do you realise?? HAHAHA....

The work that makes me grumpy and why weekend pass so fast!
In a blink of an eye and its Monday again.
Why God didnt create 8 days a week.
5 days working 3 days resting??? HAAAAa......
But anyway.. I will strive till the end. I am gonna win this race I had.
Just let me grumble abit and I will carry on! =D

And the unknown plans which you guys didnt know about it.
I plan to carry on my studies! properly...next year?
But I wanted to get my online shop steady first
as its going to be the source income I had when I start schooling again.
Follow by, taking up car licence though I am afraid of getting into accident!
So far, these are my plans.
But I am quite far away from these.
A little mess that I have created. hmmmm....
I'm pretty sure, it will be on track soon.
Looking for sign. Ha!

waiting for my money to come from nuffnang!!!
I feel so broke now.

searching n found

2009-06-07T15:03:00.004+08:00

All this while, I have been searching for answer.
Answer of the truth, what's got into you?
Until today afternoon, i still dont accept.
And only until I really experience what has really change,
I finally know that all this while the answer has always reveals to me.
It's me who ignore and did not accept.

Its you that have change but I am still staying at the same place.
And this time for sure, i have to move further.
Out of the boundaries. Out of the circle. Out of this feeling that keeps coming.
The sour of the pain, the salt on the wound.
I bring it on myself. I laugh at my doing.
So silly, so stupid.
And this shall be the last time, the last of the silliness.
A never turning back but looking forward to where I want to be.

The darkness that fills in my life, the bumpy road ahead.
All I ask is light and someone to hold on.
Where are you?

edited*

muahahahahaa....HANDSOME!! =D

awesome

2009-06-06T02:17:00.004+08:00

I didnt knew that song of Solomon has this great love behind.
If you only briefly read it, properly you wont be able to get the idea what is it all about!
And all the while, i only know that Song of Solomon is all about love, as in relationship.
Till now, then I know it deeper!
Everything what pastor has say, it touches me so deeply.
And I feel I am in the winter time. And surely this is the word that I need it so badly.
Since things dont go well in my place, this word just come at a right time.
Just hang on.

"Every winter comes spring."

This sentence just makes me wants to hang on. Cause the harvest is waiting for me in spring. =)

Anyway, work.....is never been easy!
I guess i am doing quite well in this job though sometimes, I may be blur or forgetful.
And you know me......i dont speak well or talk loud!!!!!
Guess my words limit have been used up at work.
So if you see me keeping quiet....you will know why!
Words limit has been used up! HAHA =D

going off to bed.. i cant stay awake in midnight now.......

TGIF

2009-05-30T01:27:00.003+08:00

I started my job today.
I guess no longer can I stay up till 3-4am now.
It's tired to wake up in the morning. yawn~~
And this job...its something.....new to me though its categorize under admin.
I have to call customer. And I hate to work this. I am just worry that I didnt do a good job.
And if under very stress situation, I am worried I will run away from this job.
The people are nice though...but.. i am just scared that calling up customer will make me run away.
But I have decided to change myself.. be mature and responsible of what I have decided to do.
Omg...being adult is not easy!!

Today's Song of Solomon part 1 series is AWESOME!
The atmosphere is great! And I got 1 hunk sitting behind me! HAHHA~
But anyway..i learn alot of things and its my very first time to listen attentively.

I am broke...real broke.
I dont know how to survive before my pay comes.
Which is like 2weeks time.
Everything I have to pay for my own expenses.
I dont know how...

My heart has been longing for something.
Yes.. I admit I longing for him to come back. Which I myself know that a longer time is required.
Today, I went back to the places we have been before. Much memories.
Place is the same but.. something is changing and that is us.
I long for him to come back. Which I know I will do anything for it.
But.. i dont know how he feels about everything.
We have been planning to meet him up for his birthday.
But I am afraid...that it didnt work out.
I am the only connection to him. I pray things will work out.
I really really hope that he will come back one day.
I know that day, we will smile for you on the day you return.
Just a matter of time.

i want to be in love again..... but have I overcome?

So close yet so far

2009-05-28T12:32:00.003+08:00

"Many of life's failures are experienced by people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up."

"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up.
The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time."

- thomas edision

I have not fail to fufil in what I want to achieve.
I am just a step away from success.
Hang on tight!
Cause its coming to your way!! whoa!

OL OL OL

2009-05-28T00:57:00.004+08:00

I have couple of good news to share. And it all happens within 2 weeks!

Officially, part time OL now!
And girls... I AM NOT GOING TO CLOSED MY SHOP!! =/
I will still continue working hard for it!
To prepare my first ever flea market in July. (it's BIG to me!)
I am so gonna be busy like bumble bee!
But...can meet me for dinner at night too..will be in town!
HAHA =D

And thank God for it cause this job offer to me in less then 4days!
Plus I only thinking of looking for job just last week after I have make my down payment for the rented!
To see my bank account going lower makes me heartbreak and worry can...
I was thinking how am I suppose to survive with this small sum of money.
BUDGET BUDGET BUDGET.....for now till 2nd week of June!

Add on, the Flea in July (24-26July, Fri - Sun, 11am - 9pm) has confirmed!
So if any of you girls super free on these dates, come down to expo and help me out! =)
Need some help on Friday night and Sunday morning.
And to unload stuff from taxi.
My brother will tried to get car from his friend so I can save on the taxi fare.
It depends. Still working on it! Excited~
I have not yet done my name card, board and still sourcing for better clothes.
Hoping this flea can make a big turn for my shop.
AS BIG AS THOSE POPULAR ONLINE SHOP!
you hear me GOD! HAHA =D

And I am going to GENTING!! lalalalalala~
Excited cause its my first ever trip to genting!
I am going with my family so...I dont need to pay single cent! =D
Thats the advantage of going oversea with family.

And wanna say thanks to you people
(est, adel, sftey, shan, pam, anna, yuna, my brother if you see)
who help me alot ever since my darkest moment.
You hear my rant, you hear my worry, you see my cried and you gave me advice, help and encouragement.
Never did I was alone and now as you can see, I am doing better now.
I am being well love by you people.
Cheers to you people!! =D

1 more day I will be working and waking up early..no more midnight hours~

interview

2009-05-24T21:52:00.004+08:00

Wish me luck...I have interview tomorrow! =D

f

the things i want to do for long time

2009-05-19T01:00:00.003+08:00

I always wanted to go east coast park to sit down and enjoy the breeze.
Reading a story book or novel,
having a cup of bubble tea,
some biscuit.

Looking at the blue blue sea...
makes me feel comfort and protected.
But it has never been done ever since my secondary days.
I should do it again one of these days.

And i wanted to learn...swimming.
Efficient way of burning my tummy fats.
But I am worry that I will get drown!!!!
And..wearing swimming costumes is really a step of faith!
HAHA =D

Anyone want to join me?
Let's drown together...?! Opps! =x

Gone for good. I think.

2009-05-18T01:03:00.003+08:00

I have been asking myself.
Whether... I have really let it go right now?
Do I still have any more feelings for him?
After all the sms that he send saying how he misses me.
I dont know. It makes me feel UNREAL for sure.
Abit annoy by it. Sometimes, have the urge for return.
But its not the same anymore.
I dont feel the heart beating fast like before.
Maybe anger or resentment i have towards him, has diminish day by day.
We have gone separate ways. For good.

I lived my new life with new motivations.
I saw this encourage quotes on TV Mobile while on the way back,

"Courage is not choosing route that is easier decision,
but rather by toughest decision."

Its tough for me to decide to leave someone whom I love that much in life.
I rely on people so much.
My little brother who pass away,
I have no choice but to let it go and not depress myself with the death.
The one whom I love for 5 years,
left for a reason. (Or maybe not)
And the toughest one is to return back to church after MIA for months.
You never know how people look at you for sure.
But I know one thing which I speak to myself that,
my daddy never looks at me in the same way as human beings are.
I come back for something that I want to change.
And maybe different from whom I have being christian for 5 years, did nothing to glorify.

And now, I am in this business line which the competition between online is hard to survive.
Especially the market has been spoilt for some reason.
Too much shop carry similar items to be found and no uniqueness on the apparel.
I really dont know what exactly has really happen to my shop.
Its not what it used to be.
I seem to have lost the luck I have?
Or my blessing from daddy hasnt reach?
I hate to wait. But I have to wait.
Come fast please.

2009 is not a good year start for me.
I have couple of hiccups along my life.
But I believe...somthing great is gonna to be better.
Maybe much more then what I expected.
I have to keep carry on.
Be strong zhuang.

bliss sweat

2009-05-14T00:58:00.002+08:00

Pulau ubin trip again with the girls and guys.
Abit boring though, didnt get to see the underwater creature as its high tide...
Aching knee disturbing me...
Am i ageing??

Anyway, finally i make full use of my G10! Satisfied!
Still have more things to know.
Good job Zhuang! HAHA!
Just loves my camera and I am going to take Good Care of it.
Random shots and edited in photoshop.

Went out to have a mini shoots with miss yuna today.
And she was.....late!! Opps.....
It's ok dear! No worries about being late for once!
Just miracle happens! Ha..
Went to Marina Barrage. Nothing much.
Just the sun very bright and sunny.
And HOT. I think I am getting darker now.
Can see 2 tones on my hand.

Met anna for dinner and we went to Build-A-Bear.
Getting present for our dear yuna.
HAHA!
Like the way when she gets so blur of what we are saying.
Random pictures when we were building a bear.
And its SOoooooOO COOL!!

Stuffing the cotton into Sam's body. (btw, the bear's name is SAM)

Tadah!!! The alive Sam. It has heartbeat inside. So cool~

Bathing Sam. More like scrubbing violently. (yuna, be nice to sam. =D)

I can't show what is the outcome of Sam.
But he/she is adorable! (the bear's gender becames bisexual)
Gonna be a surprise for her.
So update again after the celebration!

Got to head back to my shop.
Have not been working for 2 days.
Though I am working from home...but I make full use of my time ok?
I didnt rot whole day...for nothing!!! LOL!!

Thank you guys for making my day with laughters! =D

2009-05-05T14:18:00.002+08:00

Can someone tell me how to forget someone totally.
I thought I have got it through.
But ever since that day... i can't help myself.
I tried to control myself not to...but it never works.
Have I not tried hard enough?
It just...just there.

I tried to occupy myself with alot of stuff but once I stop..
It's him in my mind.
It just so....like battling myself.
He doesnt even know this.
And I dont think he ever care.
Then why am I caring so much for?
Why are we girls throwing so much feelings for one relationship that doesnt work?
It's just stupid and waste of time.
But i just can't help myself.

it's over girl. I got to get over it.
ARGGHHH....IT"S JUST SO HARD!

this is our god

2009-04-28T00:29:00.004+08:00

inferior of whats ahead

2009-04-26T18:11:00.005+08:00

I guess I am alittle lost now in the path I am walking.
I felt something misplaced.
What I plan ahead, i couldnt fulfil.
Its too much for me to sacrifice to the unknown.
I feel I did not do well for the business.
This month did not hit my target.
Can I succeed in what I am doing and be successful like Elim Chew?
I know it takes time.
Maybe I was alittle too kan chiong spider.
And I am afraid what is ahead of me.
What if its somthing bad?
What if its something good?
What is the plan ahead of me that God has make?
PLEASE....reveal it soon..!!!!!
My heart is beating fast each time you gave me a big surprise!!

I was irritated by an old couple this morning at church.
Sometimes... even nasty people can be found.
If you are a person who is reasonable,
properly when you saw someone siting in the centre in a row of 11,
have their bags place at one of the end,
its obvious enough that this person is booking the whole row.
And just my luck to met this couple, bicker ones.
When I actually told them that this row is taken,
they shoot me that there is no bag on this chair.
Usher say I can sit anywhere.
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Spoilt my beautiful Sunday morning.
FINE!
I dont want to argue with them for just a seat.
Just let them sit where they like.
I respect you that you are elderly but...
Like hello...what I wanted to say is be reasonable please!
The way they talk is like arguing whereas we told them nicely!
See the difference?

Sometimes even educated people are just so rude!!!!

I really really can't believe you actually tell me she self declare herself as your girlfriend?!
Who will be so thick skin to actually wrote on your fb's wall saying "I am missing my boyfriend!"
COME ON! I know the truth.
I still dont get it, why after I told you, you still deny!
Is it hard to admit?
I shouldnt be bother by this....
but one thing I know, i cant trust him anymore.

What a day i have.....rest is needed.

*edited
He told me he is regretting for letting me go.
I rejected him.
I told him I have moved on.
I didnt miss something good...didnt I?
I was reluctant to reply.
Cause some part of me actually heart break and have the feeling to go back to him.
I admit..the feelings is still linger inside me.

But as I think....no I shouldnt.
1) Trust is one of the key to relationship and this basic key, cant be found anywhere.
2) I dont know what you are thinking.
I am afraid. A person who told me you can change within 2weeks.
How can I be confirm that you wont change within 2 weeks again?
3) I am not sure what you say is a impulse decision you had?
You need me when you feel alone?
How does it sounds?
4) You and your mysterious girlfriend..mysterious enough???
5) You are in army... what can it be?
6) Financial statement.. you know. Dont you?

If..lets say if.....by fate and you have change to somebody better.. I might consider.
Who knows... God knows.
I clear my line. I'm sorry I didnt want you to feel double unhappy with this.
But I think is better we clear before anything occurs.
I feel sorry for everything... I wish I could help you as a friend.
Cause after all... you are still someone dear to me.
Which...I dont want to see you falling apart.

A dramatic day with an endless story...
I wish sunday will be rainbow day...

Rina's meeting

2009-04-19T23:46:00.002+08:00

I am so excited! I am going to meet Catherina this Tuesday!
Its been sucha long long time didnt catch up with her ever since I moved to another cell!
And I wonder..I keep bumping my ex cell member today in church! HAHA =D
1st is Kok Leong then Audrey then Bruce and Catherina!
I missed them so much!
Still remember the good old teen days I have with them! LOL

After much incident,
I HAVE TO SAY I AM VERY HAPPY NOW WITH THE LIFE I HAVE!
I am proud of myself can? To think that I am doing so much better...THAN HIM!

But one thing I hate is...
PLEASE..go to your mysterious girlfriend about your love language that you need.
Dont come to me and tell me that glad that I still care.
I care, because I want to guide you to where you are from.
And you only contacted me which means, how do your cell member contact you?
And I care, does not mean that I WANT YOU BACK WITH ME! NO!
To think that you actually denied that you have a girlfriend. Its SAD! =(
How does she feel if she know that her boyfriend actually denied you as a girlfriend to her ex.
BAD huh?
Come on! Whats there to hide about?
I am ok with you having a girlfriend cause it dont bother me much. ANYMORE!
I have move on to another level. GOT IT?
Get a life man. HUURR!!

W-O-L-S how do you read?

2009-04-14T00:36:00.003+08:00

Just when i was at peak of the hour of happiness, i fall hard.
Ok. I might sound serious but its the plan i have and someone actually got it before me......T_T
S-L-O-W
I actually wanted to get myself ready in manufacture items, so now gather information.
And I was researching, happen to saw this dress which is wonderfully beautiful.
So i point.. "You shall be my first item manufacture! =)"
but but....
someone actually got it before me...just few minutes ago!
oh boy oh boy.....
I felt so disheartened now. =(

Anyway.....

About the small little joy of happiness i have earlier, its regarding him.
We sort of having a small conversation regarding him coming back to where he used to be.
And i did say that I cant help myself to watch him falling deeper.
I didnt know the words i say will impact him
but I know alittle part of it has makes him think of coming back.
I know, those words were not from me.
Seriously, I didnt know I have that much of wisdom. I mean talking sense to him.
Making him think of coming back.
But what holds him back is the ego he has inside.
You know man...egoism they have.
He knows he is falling.
But he just let it go, make himself fall deeper and told me its hard to come back to Church.
yes, he might have done something bad to me.
but nonetheless, i didnt want someone who used to be closed with me falls apart in life.
I am glad that I am much better then where he is right now.
And I do know myself that what I do is not for him to come back to me.
But as a friend to encourage him not to fall back.
I know how it feels, I am in his shoe before so i know that I need to pull him back.

Am i right...God?

fear, taken aback

2009-04-13T02:12:00.002+08:00

Fearing too much somehow stops you from moving. isnt it?
I see myself come so far from where I have.
But sometimes, fear takes me back to where i use to be.

You fear your love one left you.
You fear blessing dont come to you.
You fear things dont work out the way you plan.
You fear too much that you stop.

Am I stopping or moving?

I am worried it didnt work out.
As things really...dont work out to what i think of.
Its been 2 days.
Seriously, it didnt pick up.
Is it a sign?
A sign that i have not yet fulfil the promised to you?
Should I be obedient and trust you for your blessing to come upon?

Just friends

2009-04-04T01:10:00.002+08:00

Some thoughts have been whining around me since yesterday.
I can see the scenario of how things has change ever since the day we end.
I dont know. But i am still quite annoy by the sms he send.

Its sad.
When you see someone whom you used to be closed with, is falling apart.
He used to be a firm and a fervent person for God.
But now..a protective and ego person, refusing to get help from others.
What is the real answer that makes him fall apart now?
I blame myself for some as part of it, or maybe somehow, i am the reason of why things end this way.
But someone told me its his choice to have things this way.
Its either he let go or hold on.

Maybe she is right.
I shouldnt blame myself for this.
I am glad I did make a right choice in moving on.
At least, things are much better now.
Or maybe to say.. i dont think too much or cry now.
Aint I strong? I am suprise of how I handled this hiccups.
If it was the last time me. I think I am still crying right now.

I guess, i clearly know myself inside that i have got over it.
I am glad i did.
I dont hate him. Maybe last time yes.
But now.. i feel like helping him.
I couldnt help myself to see him falling apart.
Just friends.

Dont mess with me...again

2009-04-02T23:06:00.002+08:00

Whats the point to sms me and say you kinda miss me in a certain way?
When you actually have a mysterious girlfriend outside waiting for you?
I am so feeling mixed now when you actually sms me that which i feel pointless at the same time...
After all, the honesty that i am trusting you for..you broke it.
Yes, i still have some feeling for you but i clearly know that..it will pass in no time.
Dont mess with my life again...

You are the one who say dont ever wanted to see me again.

My primary school

2009-03-22T21:53:00.004+08:00

I just browse through facebook and i happen to saw my primary school group.
And you know what? There were a few photos whereby they actually took images of my school.
The building is still there for 10 over years.
And everytime i pass by, i always have the urge to go in and take photos.
There's pretty much photos that I can take.
And it brings back the memories too!!
But... i dare not!
Its trespassing! To add on, there is camera also. T_T
Pictures below for you to view that why I wanted to go in.....

p/s: This is not the actual colour for the uniform. Its much more darker.

6 more days

2009-03-19T00:03:00.002+08:00

I am thrilled, excited & happy!
6 more days to thailand! woohoO!
I wonder how everything is when I go there.
I pray that nothing bad will be happen and I pray the hotel will be fine!
Please....dont give me anything bad!
I pray...

Have not prepare anything.
I have not yet change the currency nor pack my bag.
Ah...seriously, i scared things crop up.
I was the one planning all the way.
I only know that the place where i stay is where i am going.
And, thats all!
Ahaaa...mixed feeling.

Anyway, i was suppose to meet the girls yesterday but didnt manage to?
Bad timing... HAHA. its alright.
But but... i experience something utterly disgusting.
EEEeeewwww...
You wouldnt expect what is that.
I was on 147 and i was sitting opposite facing this uncle.
And what happen was.. when i look down at my bag searching for my phone,
I saw something dangling inside/outside the uncle's short.
He was sitting with his left leg up on the right knee.
So is kinda obvious that you can see the shorts. (His short leg opening is wide enough!)
And this damn uncle keep adjusting and looking down at his shorts.
You know what...he didnt even wear undergarment.
So you can see everything.
ITS DISGUSTING!
What a day man! to let me see this.
I dont know what to do but i just moved my seats away.
I dont if he is on purpose to do that...but is totally disgusting.

Yuck is all I can say!

2009-03-12T18:02:00.003+08:00

When somethings that you kept underneath the heart...
Or maybe something that you lock inside so deeply...
Or rather... something that you dont wish to think or talk about it...
Suddenly, it all came up again.
I thought I had put away this, but when someone bring it up...
There it goes again.

I told my cell leader about everything.
It almost makes me in tears while telling her.
But I hold. Cause I have already told myself.
ITS NOTHING WORTH.

Though i feel a little pity..after all 5 years.
But when someone literally change so much in 2 weeks,
It doesnt makes a difference even if its 5 years.
Does make sense huh?

Ok. Everything...finally comes to an end.
I feel much happier now.
At least, its a relief to me.
I dont hope for things or neither do i looking forward for somethings.
Am still sad alittle, but I think time will let me pass.

Two friends strike me with this...
'GOD must be at the centre of any relationship.'
While, i guess..its time i go back.
Got to be wise again.
Maybe..single and with friends would be better. =)

Liar invades...wish you good luck.

2009-03-11T15:46:00.002+08:00

tsk! I dont want to make myself ugly.
I make myself think twice.

I want to be happy.
I want to be very happy.
I want to be very much more happy.
I want to be even very much more happy.

He's got a girl now.
The liar invades into another life.
I was cursing and swearing about him last night.
He say I am a sore loser.
Well... I dont even damn have any feelings about him saying me.
Cause, who is the sore loser?
We know in our heart.
Liar........ hides and fade but truth comes awake.

Damn, i dont want to let the hatred comes in my life which is not 2 cent worth to have it.
Its a stain.
You know what you have done to me.
And I do know i have my wrongs.
You step over my life with all the unknowns hiding.
Sorry.
This is what you choose to be then I dont think there is a need to keep in contact.
I dont want to make with a liar friend.
Neither, do I want to make with a hypocrite/motive friend.
What comes around...goes around.
What you have done to me.. things will come back to you in time.

I am getting stronger cause this is a lesson you have taught me for 5 years.
Dont be stupid.
Dont be navie.
Dont trust too much.
Most important.. DONT LIE.

Yes... I am going to change to be a better person.
No hatred. No stupid. No navie.
Just me, a simple person.

Jerk

2009-03-11T02:13:00.002+08:00

I am filled with hatred.
I dont trust people for now. Especially guys.
Fashionable who say they dont mind your appearance.
But... it all back to square.
They still mind.

I found out alot of things.
The unknown, makes me realise more.
The ignorance, makes me awake from sorrow.
I hate him now.
For lying or maybe betray.
You dont respect me at all.
Well, i bloody dont need to respect you at all.
Dont try to be Mr Nice in front of everyone.
Whereas you...are a jerk.
A jerk that lies!!!!

What goes around comes around.
One day.. just one day.
You will feel how i feel.
Just a matter of time.
JERK!

2009-03-10T00:59:00.002+08:00

I came back with a broken heart, soul and mind.
I dont know who i have become with the action i have done.
It's ugly.
Why did I change to this?
The things that I care for so so much,
it ends in the most ugliest way of what i have done.
Why?
The trust that i have it in you.
You lie. You break.
You makes me gone nasty and ugly.
Why the sudden change that makes you change this way?
I begin to understand.
You fucking dont care about what i am going through with all the emotions.
You fucking dont care what i have done for you.
Do you appreciate?
Do you?

The lies will come true one day.
And the day when the truth came, it hurt one so much.
So much...So badly.
I cant handle this situation. I can't.
Its too much for me to react.
Its better this way if we dont contact.
At least, its better for me to stay away.
At least, i wont hurt myself again.
At least, a distance away would be better.
At least, i wont cried.

I dont want to be like you.
Running away.
Running away breathlessly.
You seem to enjoy life party around.
But you yourself inside, you know you are not enjoying.
You know but you choose to fucking run away.
I pity you.
We cant be friends anymore.
After what I have done.
My stupidity, my naive.
You just makes use of me.
Thats all what I can think of you right now.

'Sorry' this word,
you can say it out easily after all the things you have done.
But you never know that,
this 'sorry' can never compensate of what you have done.
Or neither compensate of what i have done.

This friendship is broken.
Wounded heart.
Scars.
Hurt.
Pain.
Anger.
Trust is gone.
Nostalgia is painful.
You are away in my life for long.

God, got to help me this time.

screw....it up!

2009-03-07T02:28:00.005+08:00

Ok...I felt so SCREWED UP!!!! Damn....i book the wrong timing for my air ticket to Thailand!!! -_- We could have gone in the morning to check the places but....DAMN me to book the ticket timing in the night! oh boy, i felt so shit and guilty! Didnt do a good job as my dear brother trusted in me! No wonder I feel something is not right! AHHH....shit!! Not a good start though!

I will be going at 25th - 28th. 4 days, 3 night. To be exact, i think is 3 days 3 nights to be! ........

Gonna get myself prepare for everything! Need to do alot of research and I need to head down to library for Thai interpretation. If not, how to lower the price! HAA!! Hope i can get my stock from there in future... Cause too much same items has been appearing in other online at different price! Its hard to earn the money.. But, i guess its hard. Mum is the big issue! She wont let me go with friends let alone to be going alone. Hai...

Something has change or rather it has not been change since then. I thought, i saw the different him in 2 weeks. But today, i saw him coming back. Maybe, he is tired of running? I dont know, i just felt something is different. I felt we are back to the same good old days. Am i right? Or i think too much? But, it does makes me feel much happier..maybe much more when we are together? At least i know he starts to appreciate. Well...we just see.

I rebond my hair........ but i wish i have the same hair 2 days ago.
rebond hair is just not me...unnatural.

g

CANT YOU JUST STOP FOR A MOMENT!

2009-03-03T23:30:00.002+08:00

I bloody have enough of all the nagging of my mum! Isolate in the world of her own. Disown every relatives we use to have. WHAT THE HELL! Cant you just let it go for the sake? Why do you have to keep the things worst and find some bloody trouble for yourself and make everyone trouble for things and hear you shouting all the things that they have say and done. And keep on bringing things up time and again! I have been hearing what she say to my dad for the past few days and have been quarrel and shouting for the past few days. I HAVE SHIT ENOUGH ALREADY!Cant you just stop for the sake of letting my ears rest? Small things you make it so big for what? Let bygones be bygones.. but instead you bring it up time and again! I feel so shit whenever she shout and nag like hell... she is just finding some trouble for her own when she could have much more peaceful life. If my younger brother were to be here, he should have already start shouting to them. theHUURRHh!! I almost wanted to shout at her to stop all the shouting and nagging. I just feel so much to be out right now...

To be serious, my emotion are still so stucked up! I am feeling lost and lonely at times which i was hoping someone strike a conversation with me. I wish for alot of things. Which i know, its up to me to decide if I really wanted to do all that. But.. words say are easier then done. I told myself not to hope anything or look forward for something. But as times goes by, i feel that i was hoping and looking forward even much more. I just feel so much complicated in life right now. Which i do not know..how to get rid of. Its only I myself have the control to decide. I do know... my mind is clear but emotion are blur..complicated. Which till now.. I still couldnt control my emotion. I struggle to sleep, i struggle to do things well. I know....its stupid. I am trying hard not to think about it anymore. But sometimes, i feel so out of control.

Trip to Thailand delay for one week. Air tickets goes up like crazy... $234 just for the ticket. Hoping my brother can applied leave asap. So i could book the date 25-28 which is $152. And i told my mum about the trip.

O-B-J-E-C-T is the first thing she does.

I feel so much better after ranting out.....phew~

The last episode

2009-02-28T02:16:00.003+08:00

I know this is shit. But ya, i vent my anger in another way. Thanks est, sftey and shan. For coming down and inform the rest. I didnt have so much love from friends before and you guys, definitely helps me alot. By telling you guys, makes me feel so so much better then keeping it to myself and cry everyday. I didnt want to lose my beautiful eyes. LOL! But thanks...much appreciate for doing that!

This last epsiode of love, its long, its tough, its where i learn and miss the train. Or maybe its not worth. But after all, i dont want to get myself blind in love. Some things thought me out. Words coming from their mouth makes me see another point of view which, i always have think of but always ignore. Now it makes sense to me. That this isnt the one, i really wanted to go for long. Cant bear this love, but there is a price to pay if i continue. People does change from time to time. Even if its just short 2 weeks. Once its change, you can't turn back time to ask the person love you again. Like I say, once its gone, its forever. You cant force, you cant push. Its fate. When times up, its time for him/her to go. What yours it will naturally comes back to you. I dont hope for anything anymore, neither do i have any motive to get back again. This game, too much for me to play. Too much things to pay for. I am tired already. All along keeping it to myself, at last.... i have say it out and told someone. It does really feels great.

I will still cry. But not as bad to cry on the streets or on bus. Oh my...that's really terrible especially when your tissue is out of order.. Shall be my last time.. I dont want to be that stupid again or maybe navie. I have learn and know. Its up to me whether to accept this fact. Which is i thought i am but when things comes again, i know i didnt. Thats human lives? You see evil people, no human feelings... but i know there is something out there which is positive maybe a smaller group but dont let things change the point of view in humans.

I know i have been ranting about relationship from weeks to weeks..but hey... the last episode is always the fantastic moments you ever want to watch. LOL! I will move my directions to the shop for now till further. A kind of distraction i can have from thinking of this? I know i am gonna be busy for the next few weeks. Kept myself as busy as I am. Make myself live till the fullest, without...any regrets. And i guess, Benjamin buttons really make a great impact in lives. Haaa...really got to get that show. So whenever i feel lost or anything, this could remind me..and HOT HOT braid pitt. Dont step on the floor cause i am drooling over....

Something to share... this video is nice!

March to Thailand

2009-02-22T00:45:00.002+08:00

Windows vista making me crazy all the time. Keep on hang when I wanted to blog. ArggHh...Spoilt my mood man!

Anyway, march to THAILAND!!!! HOoooooRaAaY!! I plan to go Thailand on March to get all the stock before i got featured. Wooo..My 1st trip to thailand. Kind of happy but not for fun though...i will be alittle. Opps! Lucky my brother agree to go with me. Else my parents wont allow me to go. But I have not yet told them about it. I'm pretty sure my mum will stop me. hmmm... my brother told me, dont care!! Just go ahead! HAHA!!

Air ticket to thailand is soooooooooo.....CHEAP! I think can get it less then S$100. Its tempting me so much!

Oh..~ So excited! Haaaa...still deciding which date but it will clash with the date when he goes army. Which is, i wont be able to send him. Haaaa... his gay friend will send him if I didnt go. Thats what he told me. =x
Trying to aim to be back before the last week of March, so i can procede with studio shoot and website.
Hope everything went well and please......no more riot at thailand. Else, i wont be able to get back and i know everything will be rush like a rollercoaster. oh...I PRAY!

Oh girls, join me for the photo shoot if you can ya!